When parents have separated, and disagree over the arrangements for their children, they often turn to the family court to make decisions. Over recent years, the courts have been seeing more frequent allegations of “parental alienation” and “alienating behaviour” when it comes to child arrangements and the refusal by a child to have a relationship with one parent.
The issue of parental alienation/alienating behaviours is, however, a contentious one and one which has led to much debate so to hopefully provide some clarity, the Family Justice Council (FJC) recently released the Family Justice Council Guidance on Responding to a child’s unexplained reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent and allegations of Alienating Behaviour (2024).
The purpose of the Guidance was to “ensure greater consistency of approach across the courts and to improve outcomes for children and families and to protect children and victims from litigation abuse”. It acknowledges that where alienating behaviours have occurred this can cause emotional harm to a child but that such cases are rare and where a child has shown a reticence to spend time with a parent, this may not necessarily be due to alienation.
What are Alienating Behaviours?
In their guidance, the FJC refers to Alienating Behaviours as being when one parent (or another significant figure in a child’s life) attempts to use “psychologically manipulative behaviours, intended or otherwise” which results in the child’s “reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with the other parent”. This can involve tactics that create emotional distance or resentment between the child and the other parent. Examples include making derogatory comments about the other parent, limiting contact, or falsely accusing the other parent of misconduct.
The impact of alienating behaviour can be profound. It can strain the child’s relationship with the alienated parent, affect their mental and emotional well-being, and create lasting psychological challenges. Whilst the Court’s focus is on the welfare outcomes for children, the guidance also recognises the very significant emotional impact on parents of the loss of a relationship with a child
It is essential, however, to distinguish it from situations where a child’s reluctance to see a parent is based on valid reasons, such as safety concerns or past trauma which can include abuse in some form.
Domestic abuse and Alienating Behaviours
The guidance highlights that an allegation of parental alienation can often be raised as a counter to allegations of domestic abuse, potentially as a further attempt at post-separation control/abuse and as a litigation to tactic to persuade the victim to withdraw allegations of abuse.
Given allegations of domestic abuse feature in at least 50-60% of private law children cases, it makes clear that the relevance and prevalence of domestic abuse places it in an entirely different category to allegations of ‘parental alienation’. Where there has been both domestic abuse and alienating behaviours, it is proposed that the court’s thinking should begin with domestic abuse and then review any allegations of Alienating Behaviours through that lens.
The Test for Alienating Behaviour
To satisfy the Court that there have been alienating behaviours, the new guidance sets out a three-stage test which must be met to evidence alienating behaviours have taken place. This broadly includes:
- the child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to spend time with a parent;
- the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal is not caused by other factors such as the parent’s actions leading to an appropriate and justified reaction by the child or their attachment to the other parent; and
- the other parent has engaged in behaviours that have directly or indirectly impacted on the child, leading to the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to engage in a relationship with that parent
Satisfying the Court there has been alienating behaviour is, however, still only one piece of the puzzle. The Court will need to consider any findings of alienating behaviour alongside their consideration of the welfare checklist which, as the name suggests, is a checklist of factors the Court must consider when making decisions about the arrangements for children with the child’s well-being as the paramount consideration.
What to Do if You Believe Alienating Behaviour is Taking Place
The guidance is clear that reluctance to see one parent cannot in and of itself be evidence that the other parent has conducted alienating behaviours
Therefore, if a child suddenly becomes resistant to having contact, it is key to firstly consider that they may have genuine reasons and to try and view the situation from their perspective. Their reluctance to spend time with one parent could be caused by one of many things happening in their life. Children will reach their own conclusions about what has happened in their family and may wish to make choices or exert an influence over how they live their lives. This may be especially so in a situation over which they have no control such as their parents’ separation. A child may also have other genuine reasons such as their feelings about a new adult relationship or feeling unhappy about the practical arrangements in place.
If you still suspect that alienating behaviours are impacting your relationship with your child, however, it’s important to act swiftly and thoughtfully. Here are some recommended initial steps:
- Keep a Record: Document specific instances of the behaviours you are concerned about. Note what was said or done, the dates, and how your relationship with your child has been impacted. This evidence may be important if legal action becomes necessary.
- Maintain Positive Contact: Continue to show consistency, care, and support in your interactions with your child. Try to avoid reacting emotionally and focus on providing a safe, happy environment.
- Consider some form of Non-Court Dispute Resolution: Where appropriate, consider family mediation, arbitration or some other form of non-court approach which can be more time and cost effective whilst also allowing parents to retain control over the ultimate arrangements and be more creative with their solutions.
In addition you should seek Legal Advice and particularly if the alienating behaviours persist, it may be necessary to seek legal intervention. Solicitors with expertise in family law can provide guidance and help you apply for a court order if required.
If you’re concerned about alienating behaviour or have any questions about child arrangements, DTM Legal’s Family Law team is here to help. Our experienced solicitors provide compassionate, expert guidance tailored to your unique situation. We understand how challenging family disputes can be, especially when children are involved.
Take the first step towards protecting your relationship with your child. Contact our Family Law team today for confidential advice and support by calling 01244 568635 / 0151 3210000 or email family@dtmlegal.com.
